Merry ...

Merry Christmas everybody! Spending the day with my mom's fam. It's comforting because no matter how bitchy people get, I know there will be PLENTY of wine.

And so THIS is Christmas???

I need to be petty and materialistic. My notoriously cheap father was actually quite generous this year. But I still hate him. For the third year in a row he did his Christmas shopping at Sam's Club, and this year was the most ridiculous. I am now the proud owner of a 20 pound Mag-Lite. What the fuck am I gonna do with that? I mean, I gave my brother my 12 pack of Chef Boyardee, but this? First of all, I OWN a flashlight. I own a few. Even if I didn't, I don't think I'd need one the size of my thigh. My brother and step-brother got the same things. I mean a freaking flashlight! I think creative gifts are a good thing; I generally hate asking people what they want. But when you're just going to a discount store and grabbing 3 of whatever looks useless, you need to be stopped. Church was stupid. The worship leaders were horrible. I mean, there's a difference between singing harmony and singing off-key. And the pastor (who once had the balls to THANK ME for coming to my step-brother's funeral) told some ridiculous story of questionable relevance. I suspect that the pastor had mistaken this story as a religious metaphor. At dinner I asked my father, who had just commented on how great it was, to explain it to me. After a few minutes of silence he said, "I think maybe it was just a story." Oh, and my brother loved the collage. My father pretended to look at it and like it, but when my brother actually made him examine it he just got kinda red and quiet.

And so this is (almost) Christmas...

Several things, none of which fit well together.This morning after crossing the Broadway ave bridge I heard strange noises behind me. It was a fire crackling in a trash can under the bridge, with a few "economically disadvantaged" people gathered around. The first thing that popped into my head, I swear to god, was that it looked oddly like a live nativity scene. Then as I started to get angry at society, the feeling quickly turned to guilt, which I'd rather not talk about. Work was dead. My co-worker and I spent the morning doing the chicken dance (a modified version that better suits my knee situation). We got sent home 2 hours early with full pay, which for me was actually 4 1/2 hours early with full pay since my normal hours had already been cut on account of baby Jesus being born tomorrow and all.Then I made a collage to give to my brother in front of my Christian Coalition father and step-mother. It's lovely. A picture of several business people onto which I pasted captions from the famous (to me) parenting guide. One gentleman is "getting quite good at elimination", while another "may handle genitals, but sex play can be easily discouraged." The token woman in the picture is "ready for play with daddy. Fond of peek-a-boo." Passive-aggressive? Me? Psssh!

Merry Christmas Eve eve

Saw "Bowling for Columbine" for the third time. I still love it. And the guy I was with... He intimidated the hell out of me. In a good way. He's just so much more creative and inspired than me. He was what I want to be, I guess. Apparently North Korea is getting ready for world war III, as are we. I'll rant in a day or two, when I have more time.Tomorrow I endure the man who sired me and his wife. I haven't seen them since my aunt's funeral in october, but my brother says they're thrilled that the radical liberal agenda has been rejected and America has finally found the right way to go. Kiss my ass. Aren't Republican's worried about the Iraqi fetuses, at least?

I can't remember what I can't forget

Something popped into my head tonight, and it won't leave. Well, the essence of something. I don't remember the exact words, but it was more or less "we cannot change the world, we can only live our lives." I wish I could remember. The point was that any cultural change has to start out small. Perhaps it was "...we can only change minds"? Where is my memory when I need it?

I think I'll just get drunk and depressed

I am absolutely high on Jill Sobule right now. I downloaded a song of hers this morning. Then another, and another. Don't worry, the moment I have a penny to my name I intend to run out and buy everything she has released. But for now I'm just...happy. I don't really have anything else to say, but my newfound love for Jill has compelled me to say something.

to go just one night without Nerds glued to my fingers...

They make brush-on Krazy Glue. Why didn't anyone tell me? Many Nerds found a new home tonight on cheap frame from Target.One of my friends shared one of his life goals with me tonight. He wants to buy a house and renovate it and redecorate it in the style of a cheap camper. Cheap veneer cupboards, walls made of that textured vinyl-coated metal, the works. But the outside would maintain a normal appearance. I thought it was quite brilliant. This has been a great day, but somewhat sad. So many people in my life, myself included, seem to be in a transitional state. Between money issues, family issues, friend issues, health issues, relationship issues, everyone seems to be holding their breath, waiting to see which side of Happy they're going to land on. Some of us keep breathing. If I'm going down, I'm going down inhaling Krazy Glue fumes. How can I dwell when I know that each gift I give will be wearing a wonderfully garish neon orange or neon green gift tag? Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. And he's related to Mr. Yuck.

Avoiding being constructive

Waiting on 2 phone calls. I need to clean my apartment. I need to clean up the mess of tissue paper and picture frames that is sitting behind me. I ate, but I'm still hungry. I need to sort and wrap gifts. I need to figure out a budget. I have Krazy Glue, a box of Rainbow Nerds, and just a little bit of inspiration. Something dangerous is about to happen.

Communion?

Went shopping. Had the very odd experience of standing with my long-ago ex-boyfriend and the boy I recently dated*, all three of us drooling over the latter's co-worker. It was beautiful in a way. *sniff*Oh, and my long-ago ex gave me my xmas presents: a pomegranate candle and a piece of speaker art featuring three Christopher Lowell's, one of whom is pointing to a giant nipple hovering above his head. The piece has no official title, but he thinks it'll be something along the lines of "Christopher Lowell and the Holy Trinity."*both referred to as such simply to illustrate the surreal quality of the moment; they would most accurately be described as friendsMe-ism of the day so far: "See, that's the difference between you and me, we.... are different."

Feeling like a bit of a whore...

Damn right.Busy day today. First an ex-boyfriend and I are going to Target, then we're going to visit "pink elephant magnet boy" at work, then at some point I'm doing MORE Xmas shopping with a different ex. There are basically two ways of looking at this. I could say "gee, it's great that I'm able to maintain friendships with people I've dated", or I could say "gee, I make out with everyone I meet." That's a good note to end on.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Hot Throbbing Knees!

Well, the disaster that appeared so close this morning has vanished. Yay. Now I'm trying to decide if I want to go to"God's waiting room" aka the Brass Rail and sit on my ex-boyfriend's boyfriend's lap. He's Santa tonight. The whole thing (being Santa in a gay bar) seems like a bad idea to me, but I do tend to have boundary issues. At any rate I'm leaning toward NOT going, seeing as how my poor knee is throbbing and is hot. Oooh, the Hot Throbbing Knees, another potential band name! So anyway, I'm going with the less intense plan B, which would be calling the friend I was gonna go with and coming up with a plan B. Or would it be C? Haven't really checked the news yet, but I did see that Trent Lott stepped down. Something about "browsing livejournal.com last night and realizing the error of my ways." I didn't read the whole thing.