And so THIS is Christmas???

I need to be petty and materialistic. My notoriously cheap father was actually quite generous this year. But I still hate him. For the third year in a row he did his Christmas shopping at Sam's Club, and this year was the most ridiculous. I am now the proud owner of a 20 pound Mag-Lite. What the fuck am I gonna do with that? I mean, I gave my brother my 12 pack of Chef Boyardee, but this? First of all, I OWN a flashlight. I own a few. Even if I didn't, I don't think I'd need one the size of my thigh. My brother and step-brother got the same things. I mean a freaking flashlight! I think creative gifts are a good thing; I generally hate asking people what they want. But when you're just going to a discount store and grabbing 3 of whatever looks useless, you need to be stopped. Church was stupid. The worship leaders were horrible. I mean, there's a difference between singing harmony and singing off-key. And the pastor (who once had the balls to THANK ME for coming to my step-brother's funeral) told some ridiculous story of questionable relevance. I suspect that the pastor had mistaken this story as a religious metaphor. At dinner I asked my father, who had just commented on how great it was, to explain it to me. After a few minutes of silence he said, "I think maybe it was just a story." Oh, and my brother loved the collage. My father pretended to look at it and like it, but when my brother actually made him examine it he just got kinda red and quiet.